Stolen Property
by awesomepigman
Summary: A series of oneshots where the Akatsuki and Sakura steal stuff. From a kangaroo to more private, immature, or just messed up things. Rated mature for adult scenerios and verbarity verbal hillarity AkatsukiXSakura?


A/N: Hey Everybody! So this is a collection of one shots all based around the idea of Sakura and Akatsuki members stealing stuff. I got this idea while writing this first oneshot and thought it would be fun. This oneshot is credited to Lexypink because they gave me this first oneshot idea. So Read!

For the reader:

_'Thinking'_

**Inner**

"Talking"

Narration

* * *

Stolen Property: Kangaroo Theives

#1: Sakura and Tobi stealing a Kangaroo from the zoo.

Sakura Haruno the newest member of the Akatsuki, a feared gang. Although Sakura didn't see why they were so feared, in fact they seemed like normal delinquent teenagers. As if to prove that they all went to the zoo today.

Everyone was looking around in a rather bored manner, everyone except Tobi. Tobi was literally hanging over the small metal fence that led to the kangaroos.

"Sakura! Look, Tobi can see the kangaroos!" The hyper teenager yelled to the pink-haired girl enthusiastically.

All the other gang members just sighed and continued on through the zoo, Sakura however joined Tobi at the gate to look at the kangaroos.

* * *

Sakura's Pov:

_'He's so cute!'_

**He's a gang member and older than you.**

_'Shut it inner.'_

Walking over to Tobi who was staring at a kangaroo, I stupidly tripped and fell.

_'Dammit! Everyone is looking!'_

**Of course they are you fell on your ass.**

I ignored inner and stood up continuing towards Tobi and the kangaroos.

Leaning on the metal bars Tobi started shouting and pleading for a kangaroo.

"Tobi wants a kangaroo! Tobi is a good boy!"

I just stared blankly at Tobi, who then started to pout and give me puppy dog eye. Eye not eyes because Tobi has an eye patch. Although only one visiable eye was all it took to make me find a way to get that boy a kangaroo.

"Okay, Tobi I'll find a way to get you a kangaroo." I raised my right fist up, now determined to get Tobi a kangaroo.

* * *

-At the Park Offices-

Tobi and I sat waiting for the park owner hoping to buy a kangaroo. Well actually I sat waiting, Tobi was running around playing with a lightup yo-yo. (A/N: Heck Yeah!)

"Sakura Haruno, he'll take your appointment now."

I nodded at the secretary with a smile, stood up, grabbed Tobi, and with my poker face, marched into the owner's office.

"Welcome, Ms. Haruno. How may I help you?" The man had a very sly grin on his face, like he would rape me if Tobi wasn't there.

I didn't aknowledge his rape-face at all. I just sat down.

**If we let him rape us maybe he'll give us the kangaroo.**

_ 'I don't think it works that way.'_

**So.**

_ 'So if we let him rape us, then technically it isn't considered rape, dumbass.'_

**Ow. That really hurt me.**

_'Good.'_

I held my poker face dispite inners remarks. The owner was a bit overweight, but that didn't bother me. See I have more important matters to deal with.

"I'd like to buy a kangaroo off of you."

"What do I get in return?"

**Ew, he really does want to rape us.**

I was about to answer but Tobi beat me to it.

"Tobi will give you the lightup yo-yo."

Tobi's hands were pushed out infront of him towards the rapist.

I obnoxiously gasped at what Tobi had done, and slapped his hands away from the mans face.

"No Tobi! There is no need to take drastic measures! We will use money."

Pulling out my wallet you could tell that the man was becoming displeased with my actions.

_'Dammit Tobi! Now he knows we have a lightup yo-yo and will not settle for money!'_

**Or maybe he's just sad he won't get to have sex with us.**

_'Stupid inner! He's obviously upset about not getting our lightup yo-yo!'_

**You are an idiot.**

I stopped arguing with inner and slowly pulled a 5 dollar bill out of my wallet and set it up on the table.

"What is that?"

"Money. Look I understand you can't just sell anyone a kangaroo. So I'll pay you the money, and we keep this just between the three of us."

"That's five dollars?"

"Oh, I see what you're getting at."

I slipped two more dollars out of my wallet and casually set them on the table. Still poker faced at raised my eyebrows at the man as if saying, "there. Satisfied."

"You can't just buy a kangaroo from the zoo miss, and you most definently can't buy one for seven dollars!"

"You sir drive a hard bargain, but I have not lost this battle yet."

I now proceeded to pull another dollar out of my wallet and carefully set it down, then winked at the man.

"Get out of my office!"

* * *

-Outside of Park Offices-

"Damn! I was sure that would work."

"Sorry Sakura, Tobi messed it up."

"Aw, no you didn't Tobi. That man was just a asshole!."

Tobi started to sulk and I felt bad, I mean the boy just got jipped out of a kangaroo.

"Sakura?"

"Huh?"

"Does this mean Tobi doesn't get a kangaroo?"

I couldn't say no to the cute puppy dog eye and pouting face, so I came up with a new plan.

"No, it means we'll just have to stoop to another level. We will steal a kangaroo."

* * *

-At the Zoo's Gate-

Tobi and I were dressed for success thanks to the Toys R' Us across the street.

-Flashback-

"Okay we're going to need the extra reloads, the holster, a dagger, and alot of nerf darts."

We walked to the register with our cart chalk full of nerf guns and accessories.

-End Flashback-

As we walked through the zoo cautiously, ready to steal a kangaroo, I saw a giraffe looking at me funny. So I shot it. Nerf darts hitting its body of steel, flying off in every direction. It seems I killed the beast, so we continued on our way.

Finally reaching the kangaroos spot in the zoo, I hopped the fence where as Tobi tumbled face first over it. After he stood up we somehow maneuvered the kangaroo out of its exibit.

Feeling accomplished for being able to steal a kangaroo with Tobi. We walked to the food court with it. There were some mishaps along the way, such as the kangaroo kicking a small child and possibly injuring it, and Tobi trying to climb inside its pouch causing him to also recieve a brutal kick.

When we made it to the food court, we found the others and sat down. Pein was clever though and didn't let the kangaroo thing slide.

"Why is there a kangaroo with you?"

"Tobi asked for one, so I got him one."

"...How?"

"We stool it."

Hidan who was now angry because the kangaroo licked him joined in on the conversation.

"How the fuck did you steal a kangaroo?"

"We stocked up on Nerf guns and weapons, then claimed war on all animals who opposed us. A giraffe tried something funny though so I slayed it. We then proceeded to walk the kangaroo out of its exibit."

Everyone looked at me like I'd gone mad, everyone except Tobi, who despite his last attempt was still trying to get inside the kangaroo's pouch.

Sirens then started to sound as police pulled up outside the food court. Officers then came in and grabbed me and Tobi saying they had footage an the security cameras proving us to be kangaroo thieves. The gang bailed us out of prison later but before the police took us away I swear I heard Hidan yell, "Whatever you do don't drop the fucking soap!"

* * *

A/N: Yeah, um, I have a messed up mind. Anyway reviews and pm's will be accepted for a oneshot. If you do give me a oneshot idea for Stolen Property then please say your idea along with who in the Akatsuki will be stealing something and Sakura also counts as an Akatsuki member.

Read and Review!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its amazing characters, I do own the messed up jokes that they make in these one shots though.

From a not so talented writer, but dark twisted comedian, ~awesomepigman.


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